Don't Snort The Pink Speed

If you're not already dead, be warned that drug dealers are lacing meth with candy. According to experts at the DEA, it's obviously a cynical plot to trick children and stupid adults into doing lots of meth. From USA Today:

Reports of candy-flavored methamphetamine are emerging around the nation, stirring concern among police and abuse prevention experts that drug dealers are marketing the drug to younger people.
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"Drug traffickers are trying to lure in new customers, no matter what their age, by making the meth seem less dangerous," [DEA Spokesman Steve] Robertson says.

Of course, the truth is that everybody likes sweets. Young people are disproportionately associated with candy because it's one of the only naughty things they're allowed to consume. It's probably also worth noting that children who want sugar won't buy it in an alley for $100 a gram, and that they are also often pumped full of meth derivatives by their doctors with no one complaining except the Scientologists.

"The traffickers know the word is out about what a horrible drug this is," [Deputy Drug Czar Scott] Burns says.

"They are having a tough time selling this product, especially to young people. What do people in marketing do when they have a tough time selling a product? They have to come up with some sort of gimmick."

Wait, what? I thought we were in the middle of a massive, unmanageable meth crisis. Scott Burns is right that meth use is on the decline, but it's annoying that he only brings this up when it suits him. Of course, meth use was going down before the "crisis" was even declared, yet these late-comers wanna take credit for saving America with poignant public service announcements. It wasn't until 2005 that ONDCP figured out meth and marijuana were different drugs. And they continue to mix them up.

Seriously though, it's the users who decide what drugs are in and out. There's no evidence that street-level marketing schemes or ONDCP propaganda make a lick of difference to party people who want the most bang for their buck. They know what they're after. Pink meth exists because people want pink meth, not because they don't want any meth at all.

Drug policy expert Chris Rock explains it best in his classic performance Bring the Pain:

"Drug dealers don't sell drugs. Drugs sell themselves. It's crack. It's not an encyclopedia. It's not a f**king vacuum cleaner. You don't really gotta try to sell crack. Ok?

I've never heard a crack dealer going "Man, how am I gonna get rid of all this crack?!"