In case you missed it, Olympic badass Michael Phelps got photographed taking bong hits at a party and nothing will ever be the same. He’s really, really sorry about it and he urges the public to forgive him and stop taking pictures of him at parties.

Radley Balko says pretty much everything that there is to say about this, but let me add that if anyone has a problem with Michael Phelps smoking marijuana, you should look in the mirror and think about how badly you suck. I don’t care who you are, you will never be as good at anything as Michael Phelps is at swimming. He’s better than you.

For all I care, Michael Phelps can suck gravity bongs out of an Olympic swimming pool on international television with his 14 gold medals around his neck. If you’re waiting for him to sell his trophies for dope money, don’t hold your breath. Speaking of which, Michael Phelps can hold his breath longer than you.

Update: NORML's hilariously brilliant Russ Belville has this. I want it on a t-shirt.