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The Week Online with DRCNet
(renamed "Drug War Chronicle" effective issue #300, August 2003)

Issue #86, 4/9/99

"Raising Awareness of the Consequences of Drug Prohibition"

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TABLE OF CONTENTS

  1. Driving While Non-White
  2. Search and Seizure Protections Weakened
  3. 53 Year-old Grandmother Robbed, Beaten While Trying to Buy Cannabis for Her Arthritis
  4. California's Y2K (+1) Crisis
  5. Illinois Bill Criminalizes Marijuana Information on the Internet
  6. REPORT: Crises of the Anti-Drug Effort, 1999
  7. New Jersey Harm Reduction Coalition -- ACTION ALERT
  8. Leaders of South American Indigenous Peoples Challenge US Ayahuasca Patent
  9. EXHIBIT: Human Rights and the Drug War in Virginia
  10. Gore 2000 or Gore 1984?
  11. Lies, Damn Lies and Statistics
  12. Cato Forums: Jesse Ventura, Prosecutorial Abuse, Forfeiture Reform
  13. EDITORIAL: There Oughta Be a Law: Protecting the Masses From Themselves

1. Driving While Non-White

The American Civil Liberties Union has produced statistical evidence it says proves allegations that Illinois State Police have targeted Black and Latino drivers for traffic stops. The statistics, gathered by the ACLU in an analysis of more than six million police department records between 1990 and 1995, are some of the first hard data backing a perception among many Americans that "Driving While Black" has become probable cause for law enforcement to stop and attempt to search a vehicle.

Among other findings, the ACLU's analysis shows that more than one third of cars stopped by the state's drug interdiction unit were driven by Latinos, even though Latinos make up 7.9 percent of Illinois' population and are estimated to be drivers in only 2.7 percent of personal vehicle trips. Also damning was the ACLU's finding that searches of cars that led to a seizure of property occurred in as few as 12 percent of searches, lending credence to the idea that many of the stops and searches were arbitrary.

Harvey Grossman, legal director for the Illinois ACLU, told the Associated Press that the state patrol's practices made driving in Illinois "the equivalent of traveling in a totalitarian state where you are routinely stopped for searches. It's like a tax for driving on the highway," he said.

Lincoln Hampton, a spokesman for the state police, disagreed. "When we make a stop, it's not based on race or gender or anything of that nature," he told the AP. "It's based on probable cause that some law is being broken, whether it's traffic or otherwise. We have to have a reason."

But a spokesman for the Drug Policy Foundation in Washington, DC, which has monitored reports of racial profiling around the country, said the ACLU's findings are not surprising. "It's clear from similar complaints in Maryland, Florida, New Jersey and elsewhere that some police departments have used profiles to shake down minority drivers," said Rob Stewart. It's a long standing practice that needs to be addressed and needs to end."

The Illinois ACLU spent years tracking down the statistics they used for their analysis, which is part of a court case dating back over four years. The process has been hindered there because the Illinois state police, like many of the other departments that have come under scrutiny of late, make note of a driver's race in only a small percentage of traffic stops and searches.

US Representative John Conyers (D-MI) plans to introduce a bill that would require the Department of Justice, and thereby law enforcement agencies nationwide, to maintain statistics on racial and ethnic data on motorists who are stopped. Stewart said such a law could play a key role in reducing profiling. "Just keeping the statistics could help, because if the public knew about the law, the police would be less likely to use profiles," he said. "Also, the law would give teeth to anti-profiling policies, by allowing people to sue if profiling is involved in their stop or arrest."

(Media Alert: the current issue of Esquire contains an expose on the development and deployment of racial profiling written by Gary Webb, the author of the San Jose Mercury News series on the CIA/crack cocaine connection.)


2. Search and Seizure Protections Weakened

Marc Brandl, [email protected]
Civil libertarians, defense lawyers and others say a Supreme Court ruling giving police greater powers to stop and search cars has further eroded Fourth Amendment protections against unlawful search and seizures. In a 6-3 decision issued last Monday (4/5), the Justices said that items belonging to a passenger may be searched while the officer is searching for criminal evidence against the driver.

According to Donna Domonkos, a defense attorney who argued the case before the Supreme Court, the decision lowers the standard for probable cause. "Before they've always required some kind of suspicion of criminal activity, and now that's not required," she told the Week Online

The decision stems from a case involving a routine traffic stop in Natrona County, Wyoming. The Highway patrol officer saw a hypodermic needle sticking out of the driver's pocket, which the driver acknowledged had been used to take drugs. Two more officers arrived to continue the search and two passengers were asked to get out of the car. One of the passengers, Sandra Houghton, left her purse in the back seat. The purse was searched and found to contain drug paraphernalia and liquid methamphetamine. She was convicted of a felony drug offense, but later appealed. The Wyoming Supreme Court agreed with Houghton, saying the police had not had probable cause to search her belongings. The Supreme Court decision overturns that ruling.

The ruling only allows searches of items belonging to the passenger that aren't on the person. "The majority opinion did say that this wasn't authorizing a pocket search or even a frisk," said Jack King, public affairs director for the National Association of Criminal Defense Lawyers. "It 'merely,' and I don't think of it as merely, authorizes the search of all containers in the vehicle. It was never disputed in the Houghton case that there was no probable cause to search the passenger's purse. What we have here is an absurd result."

Wyoming ACLU spokesman Marty Johnson agreed. "This is yet another example of the Supreme Court putting its thumb on the scales of justice when it comes to balancing individual privacy versus the states interest in going after the scourge of drugs," he said. "This [decision] lowers the standards for passengers in a vehicle. You are now essentially giving up your right to privacy for simply getting into a vehicle."

But members of the law enforcement community felt the decision was appropriate. Marty Pfiefer, a spokesperson for the Fraternal Order of Police said, "It is a very positive ruling. It makes it safer for the officer and better for the public. There is no longer a free ticket now. If you are in a car with someone that has contraband, there is no defense for that individual passing something off to a passenger to hide or secrete." Furthermore, he continued, "It simplifies the job of law enforcement in clarifying when officers can search a passenger. It eliminates some of the restrictions as far as who and what can be searched."

Johnson disagrees. "The simplest way to do it is just to get rid of the 4th amendment entirely, which is what the U.S. Supreme Court seems to be trying to do," he said.

A prior decision in the last session of the Supreme Court, Knowles v Iowa (http://www.drcnet.org/wol/070.html#nosearch) also involved the stopping and searching of cars. Patrick Knowles was pulled over for speeding at which point the officer decided to search the vehicle. In the Knowles case, the justices ruled that when a suspect is not arrested, they may only have probable cause to search a vehicle under two circumstances, danger to the police and prevention of the destruction of evidence.


3. 53 Year-old Grandmother Robbed, Beaten While Trying to Buy Cannabis for Her Arthritis

In North Carolina this week, a 53 year-old woman was beaten and robbed as she attempted to buy the marijuana that she uses to ease her pain. In the car with her was her 13 year-old grandson. This fact was not lost on police, who have brought charges against the woman for child abuse.

Tinkey Mae Sullivan suffers from severe Rheumatoid Arthritis and a degenerative bone disease that has already resulted in back surgery and a broken leg. She claims that her prescription painkillers, which cost $200 for a fifteen-day supply, don't seem to help and leave her groggy and nauseous. An ounce of cannabis, however, which costs her $90 and lasts for nearly two months, allows her to be up and around.

"Without it, I can't even get up out of my chair without help" she said. "But if I smoke a little, I can even do my housework."

But cannabis, for medicinal use or otherwise, is illegal in Ms. Sullivan's home state of North Carolina, where she lives in a double-wide trailer with her husband, a tug boat captain, and their grandson. And so, when Ms. Sullivan runs out of her medicine of choice, she is forced to drive from her home in Winnabow to the nearby city of Wilmington to buy it on the street.

"They all know me over there. They call me Grandma."

But dealing with the black market is a dangerous and unpredictable undertaking, particularly for the elderly and the infirm, who make inviting targets. On Thursday (4/1) Mrs. Sullivan found out the hard way that the unavailability of cannabis through legitimate channels can have a devastating impact on the health and well-being of those who need it. Mrs. Sullivan, with her grandson in the car, was beaten and robbed of her credit cards and more than $140.

"I called the police on my cell phone," Mrs. Sullivan told The Week Online. "I told them why I was there and showed them which way the robbers ran. But all they did was tell me to move away from the steering wheel. They treated me like I was the criminal."

In the eyes of Wilmington law enforcement, Mrs. Sullivan IS a criminal. Prosecutors have charged her with misdemeanor child abuse for having her grandson with her when she tried to buy her medicine.

"He was home from school, and I took him along while I was running errands, and I was out of medicine. He didn't know why we were there, and I never smoke it in front of him. But I'm not ashamed of using it. It helps me. I'm not a criminal, I'm a woman who is in a lot of pain, and it's the only thing that helps. If President Clinton was in my home right now, I'd smoke it in front of him. How can I be a criminal for using something that helps my pain?"

Detective Ocie Horton of the Wilmington police is handling the case. "I'm a juvenile officer, though I've taken on the whole case at this point," he told The Week Online. "My first concern, which is still my primary concern here, is the welfare of the child. He was put in danger, into a situation where he could be robbed, and could have been seriously injured." Detective Horton, who was not present at the scene of the arrest, said that as of this time, no charges have been filed against Mrs. Sullivan for her attempt to buy the marijuana.

"With regard to the child, we've done what the law requires," Detective Horton said. In North Carolina, the law requires police to notify child welfare authorities whenever child abuse charges are filed.

The incident highlights concerns that have led patients throughout the nation to open up cooperatives and other distribution networks to get marijuana to patients who would otherwise have to go to the street.

Jeff Jones, Executive Director of the Oakland Cannabis Buyers' Cooperative, told The Week Online, "If there were a legal, regulated supplier for the people who are using cannabis for legitimate medical purposes, incidents like this one would simply not occur."

As to whether Mrs. Sullivan's medical need is legitimate, her husband, who has been a tug boat captain for thirty-two years, said there is simply no question.

"I've seen my wife in pain for a long time," he said. I know that she suffers despite anything that the doctors have prescribed. I don't use drugs of any kind myself, I can't even tolerate aspirin, but there's no doubt that a little marijuana makes all the difference in the world to my wife. I wouldn't even allow the stuff in my house otherwise."

Mrs. Sullivan herself has spoken to her doctors about the issue. "I've told every doctor that I've had that I use marijuana and that it helps me. Not a single one of them has ever told me to stop."

As to the propriety of having her 13 year-old grandson along with her when she tried to make her purchase, Jones said the law sets up an untenable situation.

"If Mrs. Sullivan were able to go to a pharmacy to get this, there would be no question, not an eyebrow raised over whether her grandson accompanied her," he said. "And no one would be put at risk."

Detective Horton, however, said that the police don't have the luxury of playing 'what-if.' "The fact is that this woman put her grandson in harm's way, and that's what she's been charged with," he said. "Neither Mrs. Sullivan nor her grandson could describe their attackers, who were apparently wearing ski masks over their faces. That doesn't mean that we're not doing what we can to find and prosecute her attackers. That investigation is ongoing. In the meantime, our concern is with the child and his welfare."

Mrs. Sullivan now says that she wishes that her grandson hadn't been with her that day. "I've gone over there so many times with no problems. He was off from school and I was taking care of him and I needed to go." But as to her use of the plant itself, for her, the issue is one of both principle and survival.

"I need (marijuana) to live my life. It's my health and it's important to me. Now I don't have any, and I was beaten up and robbed," she said, choking back tears. Asked if she would go back to try to buy marijuana again, Mrs. Sullivan was resolute. "As soon as I can."


4. California's Y2K (+1) Crisis

Marc Brandl, [email protected]
California is running out of prison space. Even after years of a building frenzy during which construction on prisons has outnumbered new colleges by 19 to 1, the state's prisons will be filled to capacity by April of 2001. According to the California secretary for state prisons, Robert Presley, "By then, we will have exhausted every nook and cranny."

In anticipation of the crisis, "the [state prison] agency as well as the administration is looking into a broad spectrum of options," Lisa Buetler, an agency spokesperson, told the Week Online. "These alternatives may include drug treatment facilities and that sort of thing. At this time we are in an exploratory phase and it would be premature to identify anything specifically."

Currently, only one bill in the state legislature has addressed the issue -- by proposing a $4 billion dollar prison construction bond. That bill, introduced by Assemblyman Bill Leonard (R-Rancho Cucamonga), would go before voters in March of 2000.


5. Illinois Bill Criminalizes Marijuana Information on the Internet

(reprinted from the NORML Weekly News, http://www.norml.org)
April 8, 1999, Springfield, IL: The state House of Representatives unanimously approved legislation that would impose criminal penalties on those who transmit information pertaining to marijuana on the Internet if they "know that the information will be used in furtherance of illegal activity."

NORML Executive Director R. Keith Stroup, Esq. noted, "Under this measure, someone could legally transmit information about potentially violent activities like building bombs, but face criminal prosecution for posting messages about the documented medical uses of marijuana. This is an attempt to circumvent the first amendment guarantee of free speech by turning the transmission of certain factual information via the Internet into a 'thought crime.' Proponents of this type of legislation are the equivalent of modern day book-burners."

House Bill 792, introduced by Rep. Gerald Mitchell (R-Rock Falls), seeks to make the transmission of "information about cannabis by the Internet" a Class A misdemeanor if the provider is aware the information could be used for an illegal activity. The Senate Judiciary will hold hearings on the proposal next Wednesday. The House approved the measure 114 to zero.

To read more about H.B. 792 or additional pending state marijuana legislation, visit the NORML website at http://www.norml.org/laws/stateleg1999.html.


6. REPORT: Crises of the Anti-Drug Effort, 1999

Crises of the Anti-Drug Effort, 1999, a report by Chad Thevenot of the Criminal Justice Policy Foundation, provides a clear and comprehensive overview of drug policy and proposed reforms for a lay person audience. The reader will find detailed discussions of issues like mandatory minimum sentencing, prison construction, racial disparities, police corruption, the militarization of drug enforcement, civil liberties, international drug policy, and alternatives to the criminal justice approaches such as treatment, harm reduction, medicalization and decriminalization.

Crises of the Anti-Drug Effort can be found online at http://www.cjpf.org/crises/, or e-mail [email protected] or call (202) 312-2015 for a printed copy. Crises of the Anti-Drug Effort would also make an ideal handout for public events like speeches or meetings. Requests for multiple copies will be considered on an individual basis; include a description of where you intend to distribute them and how many you need, and CJPF will let you know whether they can provide them.


7. New Jersey Harm Reduction Coalition -- ACTION ALERT

Newark City Councilman Luis Quintana will introduce to the Newark City Council a resolution in support of syringe exchange this week. Calls from those who live and work in Newark should be made to all council members as soon as possible. It is possible that this resolution could be passed! Please help!

Donald Bradley, President, South Ward - (973) 733-8043
Augusto Amador, East Ward - (973) 733-3665
Cory Booker, Central Ward - (973) 733-6425
Mamie Bridgeforth, West Ward - (973) 733-3794
Anthony Carrino, North Ward - (973) 733-3753
Gayle H. Chaneyfield-Jenkins, At-Large - (973) 733-5136
Luis Quintana, At-Large - (973) 733-6427
Bessie Walker, At-Large - (973) 733-5870

8. Leaders of South American Indigenous Peoples Challenge US Ayahuasca Patent

Marc Brandl, [email protected]
Ayahuasca, a hallucinogenic plant used for thousands of years in tribal ceremonies in many regions of South America, has moved from the hogan to the courtroom with a challenge to a 1986 patent on the sacred plant. Representatives of the Indigenous Organizations of the Amazon Basin came to Washington recently to challenge the validity of a patent on the plant awarded to a California pharmaceutical entrepreneur, Loren Miller. Tribal leaders say they found out about the patent in 1994 and claim it is a violation of their religion and culture.

Experts are troubled by the practice of seeking out plants sacred to indigenous cultures for commercial use, known as "bioprospecting." "We find it very troubling when an individual basically claims something as a new creation when it was derived from an indigenous populations culture and history," said Roy Taylor, a spokesman for the North American Indigenous Peoples BioDiversity Project. "Where are the profits going that may be derived from the bringing a patented substance to market? At a minimum, agreements should be in place that are going to give some of these profits back to the local indigenous population. But it should always be up to the these populations whether they want to give up these substances in the first place."

Jim Miller, head of applied research at the Missouri Botanical Garden, voiced frustration at both sides. "I understand and am sensitive to the concerns of indigenous groups in South America that they have a sense of ownership over a plant. But this was very clearly a flawed patent. The owner of the patent realized it was flawed and never used it. It strikes me as a pointless exercise to challenge a patent that will expire in two years." Miller, who is unrelated to the California entrepreneur, said he has visited South America looking for plants with therapeutic potential.

Previous court rulings have determined that individuals and businesses cannot patent a life form unless it is a developed plant variety that is produced through a breeding program that gives it special characteristics, or by isolating derivatives of the plant.

"Ayahuasca," also known as Yage, roughly translates as "vine of the soul." Its existence was first documented in 1908 by European anthropologists exploring the Amazon Basin. The plant's hallucinogenic qualities come from high levels of a chemical compound known as DMT. It first entered into the American conscious in the 1950's, when surrealist writer William S. Burroughs described his experiences with it in letters he sent to Beat poet Allen Ginsberg, which were published as "The Yage Letters."

The Autumn 1998 newsletter of the Multidisciplinary Association of Psychedelic Studies includes extensive discussion of the Ayahuasca plant, online at http://www.maps.org/news-letters/v08n3/.


9. EXHIBIT: Human Rights and the Drug War in Virginia

The Human Rights and the Drug War exhibit that is touring Fairfax County was moved from the Chantilly Regional Library on Saturday, March 27, 1999 and installed in the Kings Park Community Library. The display will be there through April 30. Human Rights and the Drug War features pictures and stories, of families affected by mandatory minimum sentencing, charts explaining the cost of the drug war and the prison industry, lengths of sentences for nonviolent drug offenses as compared to violent crimes, and more. Directions to the library can be found by visiting http://www.co.fairfax.va.us/library/branches/menu.htm and clicking on Chantilly Regional Library in the bottom left hand corner. The library is located at 9000 Burke Lake Road, Burke, VA 22015, (703) 978-5600.

Human Rights and the Drug War can also be viewed online at http://www.hr95.org, and portions of it are included in the book Shattered Lives: Portraits from America's Drug War -- free from DRCNet to members donating $35 or more! Just visit our signup page at http://www.drcnet.org/drcreg.html to get your copy and support DRCNet and the Human Rights exhibit at the same time! Or just mail your check or money order to: DRCNet, 2000 P St., NW, Suite 615, Washington DC 20036. Please note that donations to the Drug Reform Coordination Network are not tax-deductible. To make a tax-deductible donation to support our educational work, please make your check payable to the DRCNet Foundation, mailed to the same address.


10. Gore 2000 or Gore 1984?

The campaign to elect Al Gore as President in the United States in 2000 has recently gone online, with a web site featuring news, issue positions, mailing lists, pictures of the Gore family, and a town hall forum for visitors to express their views, at times even joining the Vice President for a "live chat."

At least one portion of the web site, however, seems to have less in common with the ideals of a new century than with the "newspeak" of George Orwell's 1984, in which government slogans such as "war is peace" and "freedom is slavery" were used to redefine the people's perception of reality.

The News and Issues section of the Gore 2000 web site proclaims that Al Gore has been champion of "progressive ideals," including, among other things, "tougher punishment."

Two weeks ago, a report released by the Washington, DC-based Justice Policy Institute revealed that the 1.8 million inmates in US prisons and jails include 1 million people whose offenses were nonviolent. (See the Week Online's coverage at http://www.drcnet.org/wol/084.html#million.) Overall, the US has the second highest incarceration rate in the world, second only to Russia, and nationally, 1 in 3 young black men are in prison, jail, on probation or on parole -- on any given day. The severity of mandatory minimum drug sentencing and conditions in US prisons have been criticized by human rights groups such as Amnesty International and Human Rights Watch.

Given the current status of crime and punishment in the US, it may stretch things somewhat to classify even tougher punishment as a "progressive ideal." Visit the Gore campaign's online forum at http://www.gore2000.org/townhall/ and let the candidate know you're on to his word games!

(Note: DRCNet is non-partisan and does not endorse or oppose political candidates at this time. We do encourage candidates to take more thoughtful positions on drug policy and crime issues.)


11. Lies, Damn Lies and Statistics

The classic American author, Mark Twain, wrote that there are "lies, damn lies, and then there are statistics." Two publications for parents and teens by the National Institute on Drug Abuse illustrate the point:

"Research shows that nearly 50 percent of teenagers try marijuana before they graduate from high school." From Marijuana: Facts Parents Need to Know, page 9.

"Most teenagers do not use marijuana. Fewer than one in four high school seniors is a current marijuana user." From Marijuana: Facts for Teens, page 3.

While the two statements are not incompatible, they do show how numerical data can be used in isolation to support any rhetorical point that the author wishes. When trying to understand drug policy, always keep the big picture in mind.

Thanks to Shawn Heller of George Washington University Students for a Sensible Drug Policy (http://gwu.edu/~ssdp) for bringing this to our attention.


12. Cato Forums: Jesse Ventua, Prosecutorial Abuse, Forfeiture Reform

April 13, 10:30am - 2:00pm, Minneapolis, Minnesota. Liberty in the New Millennium, featuring Jesse Ventura, Governor of Minnesota, Eric O'Keefe, author of Who Rules America: The People vs. The Political Class, and Edward H. Crane, Mike Tanner, and Jerry Taylor of the Cato Institute. To be held at the Radisson Plaza Hotel, 37 South 7th Street, Minneapolis. To register and for further information on the seminar, please call Lesley Albanese of the Cato Institute, at (202) 789-5223 or e-mail [email protected].

April 14, 12:00 noon - 1:30pm, Washington, DC. Win at All Costs: Prosecutorial Abuse in the Federal Courts, featuring Bill Moushey, Staff Writer, Pittsburgh Post-Gazette. Two years ago, Moushey launched an investigation of federal prosecutorial practices, and published his disturbing findings in a collection of 10 articles titled Win at All Costs. bsp; Moushey documents how government officials have lied, hidden evidence, distorted facts, engaged in cover-ups, and set up innocent people in a relentless effort to win indictments, guilty pleas, and convictions. Victims of that misconduct have sometimes lost their jobs, their assets, and even their families. At the Cato Institute, 1000 Massachusetts Ave., NW, business attire requested. To register, call Laura Cooper at (202) 789-5229, fax (202) 371-0841, or e-mail [email protected].

May 3, 9:00am - 1:30pm, Washington, DC. Forfeiture Reform: Now, or Never? A half-day conference sponsored by Cato's Center for Constitutional Studies featuring Rep. Henry J. Hyde, Stefan Cassella, Ira Glasser, Gordon Kromberg, James H.Warner, Samuel J. Buffone, and Roger Pilon. For further info, visit http://www.cato.org/events/ccs99/ on the web, call (202)218-4633 or e-mail [email protected].


13. EDITORIAL: There Oughta Be a Law: Protecting the Masses From Themselves

Adam J. Smith, Associate Director, [email protected]
As we near the end of the 20th century, one thing is clear. America has evolved. In the old days, people were on their own. Government, small in size and limited in ambition, was both unable and unwilling to truly take care of its citizens. People were left to fend for themselves, babes in the woods, vulnerable and alone.

But no more. Now we have agencies, hundreds and hundreds of federal bureaucracies taking care of each and every need and working to insure that no American ever falls victim to anything, anywhere, so long as the government can make them avoid it.

Sometime during this century, the government in its ever-expanding, nearly-infinite wisdom, came to the conclusion that what Americans need most from their leaders is to be protected from stupidity. This would seem to make sense. When the person who designs a building, produces a baby carriage, or builds a car is an idiot, bad things happen. But stupid people like these are pretty much accounted for by tort law, leaving hardly a role for all of those government employees and officials. Not to worry, however, because when it comes to stupidity, the government is the expert.

As it turns out, there is a whole genre of stupidity for which there is no recourse in tort law. Namely, acts of stupidity committed against oneself. Surely no one can sue themselves, and so without the government, Americans would be left to the mercies of their own glaring misjudgments.

But where to start? Well, back in the day, it seemed that a lot of Americans were destroying themselves with demon rum. What followed was a 13-year experiment in ministering to the witless masses. We banned the stuff. But this was not enough, the public being even less intelligent than the government had thought. So we hired more people, smart people, to help enforce the ban. No dice. The people's stupidity was so pervasive, in fact, that it was apparently contagious, with government agents, almost en masse, covertly succumbing to the overwhelming temptation to be brainless.

"OK," the government said, "we'll start smaller." And they did. Drugs, other than alcohol, were being used by a far smaller segment of the idiots. So they concentrated their efforts there.

Over the years, our government, already smart enough to tell us what and what not to do, learned to be persistent. So for seventy years, in the face of tremendous odds and a population resistant to even the most extreme re-education measures, they have added bureaucrats and agencies and prisons and laws. Because drugs are bad for Americans, and because Americans, even after all these years, are too brain-dead to know it.

Now our leaders are ready to help us some more. Smoking is bad, and so taxes have been raised. But that isn't working, so even now the rumblings can be heard from corners of the government that are ready, happily, to ban the stuff and to take on the task of adding agencies and people and laws and prisons. For our own good, of course.

Fatty foods are also becoming a concern, what with all of those Americans who are not bright enough to stay thin. And somewhere, in a windowless office, there's a government employee with a pad and a pencil and an actuarial table and a hotline to Congress who's making a list of other activities that Americans wouldn't participate in if only they had big brains like those geniuses in government.

Skiing, skateboarding, skydiving, rock climbing, eating raw seafood, eating raw eggs, eating rare meat, eating any meat, boxing, riding bicycles without full body armor, dieting (it's a gateway to anorexia), looking at pornography (they know it when they see it), reading stupid theories (they'll let us know) and communicating in any medium that the government cannot directly monitor are all on the list. And the list, you can be sure, is growing.

Yes, America has certainly evolved. Why, it was only a couple of generations ago when any old idiot could take it upon himself to make decisions and take actions that were clearly, to the discerning eye of the mercifully informed, way too dangerous to be trusted to such dimwits. Not now. Not anymore. Now, in the kinder, gentler, ever-safer America, our leaders have committed themselves to our protection. And, they'll spare no expense to do so. No matter how many of us have to be fined, or locked up, or executed. What a convenience it is to have all of these brain-wracking decisions made for us. Our government. We truly don't deserve them.


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