You can't make this stuff up. Unfortunately, you don't have to because the drug war brings to life new and unfathomable absurdities each and every day:

Customs officials on the other side of the Pond are on the lookout for curvy drug mules after customs officers arrested a woman for attempting to smuggle £50,000 worth of cocaine in concealed pouches built into her bra. Criminals are now being said to favor "tall, flat-chested women who don't arouse suspicion when they have fuller figures." [Radar]

So now we can add both flat and full-chested women to the drug courier profile. We shall search women's underwear high and low because Victoria's got a new secret now and we don't want those fun bags getting into the hands of children.